I seriously have no idea what to write about tonight. However, since I bailed last night on writing, I figured I had better make up for it. So...here goes.
Well, the past couple of days have been...interesting. Family drama, laughter, hormones, exhaustion, getting back to the grind, and more. Sometimes I just want to stop and just be for a moment. I feel like I miss out on those moments a lot. Just to stop, take a deep breath and enjoy the moment. To savor all that God has blessed me with, great and small, and just express a heart of thanks. Why does it seem so difficult to do that lately? Back to those hormones...haha.
Yesterday was NOT an okay day regarding my family (extended family, that is). I won't get into it now because I am just plain too tired and for the fact that my mother (oops! It slipped! ;) ) might try to sue me for deformation of character or something crazy like that. Ha! This is one of those "stuck in between" situations in my life. It's like this: my family has a lot of crap going on, and well...that's old news. However, how I respond to it NEEDS to change, and it hasn't so much...until now. It's that thing of letting the past go, leaving what's behind, and move forward. It's important that I put up proper boundaries with all of the people in my life, including family, so I do not get dragged into their stuff. This is a weak point for me. I find myself feeling guilty because I now live an ocean away and can't DO anything to FIX their seemingly impossible situation. It's frustrating and liberating all at the same time. I need to learn to focus on what's in front of me, and that's my family here...aka husband, child, and dog. They shouldn't have to suffer at the hands of my anger and frustration due to the never-ending drama that is my family. I need to learn to protect them from it. Better yet, I need to learn to protect myself, and I am pretty sure that the rest will come naturally.
I seriously wish Dr. Phil would take that email of mine seriously about wanting to become the next Dr. Phil family. My family is totally in crisis (on both sides), and it doesn't seem to be improving. If I do nothing, I am selfish. If I say what I think, give advice (maybe not in the most loving way...quite the opposite actually), I am accused of abuse. I cannot win, so why keep on trying? Enough is enough.
That said, today was a bit quieter, which was good. I had fun playing with my little guy and enjoying his innumerable smiles as he was moved about the house on a quest to explore the unknown...or to simply get into things he's not supposed to. I got a bunch more laundry done from vacation, and I was and am happy for the great, sunny weather this week so I can dry my clothes outsides since we don't yet own a dryer. I made what I think was a delicious meal for dinner which consisted of sweet chili chicken, white rice with raisins, and sweetened carrots. I don't think Jaydon cared for it much though since most of his meal ended up on the floor. It's one of those daily agitations, but I know we will look back one day and all laugh. So yeah...I guess that's it! Love and appreciate the little things in life that make you laugh, smile, and reflect. And never forget to say "thanks."
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