What's In A Name?

Oh man...so I kinda promised myself that I would write a post on my blog everyday, and now I am cheating. It's technically tomorrow already as it's approaching 12:30 am on Monday morning. Hubby has to get up at 5 am for work as he begins his new project tomorrow. Maybe I should have been a bit smarter and gone to bed when he did at 10 pm. Nonetheless...here goes nothin'!

My blog. The name. I have been thinking about the name lately, especially during our recent vacation to Italy (just got back yesterday!), and I have had so many thoughts swirling in my mind. It means so many things. I guess the main theme, in a sense, would be conflict. I am conflicted in who I am, where I live, what I like, who I try to please, how to spend my time, and so on. The list continues, and I am not sure that it could or should be ending anytime soon.

I live in between two worlds...in every way. I live as an American in the Netherlands. I live as a married woman with some days having the urge to be single and "free" again. I live as a mother who sometimes has flashbacks to what life used to be like when things were "easy"...aka my life being my own in a sense and not having another life totally dependent on me. Phew. That was a change. But then we could get into the spiritual aspect of it all. I live in a literal world and a spiritual, supernatural one. I live as a vibrant, almost 30 year old woman (yes, I admitted it!) and still I find myself shrinking back into this insecure, people-pleasing, young girl who is simply a dreamer but is waiting for THEE supposed moment to occur in order to see most of those dreams come to life. I think you get the idea.

So yeah, all that said, this is me. This is my world...or worlds...plural. It's a struggle most days, but by the grace of God to manage to get by and even overcome the obstacles standing in my way...some days...not all. This is where the whole "work-in-progress" phrase comes into play. I am who I am with aspirations of becoming someone else...but does it really matter? This is just one of the many questions I internally battle as I go about my day as a woman, wife, mother, American Dutchie, expat, Christian, pet owner, homeowner, etc...etc...etc...

...and so it begins...